Narcissism

On Thursday, October 24th, 2024, I did a broadcast on KHCB, 105.7 FM on the program, "Vital Issues in the Christian Home", about the subject of narcissism.  Below are some points that I reviewed on the broadcast.  My reference to much of this information is Dr. Les Carter's book, Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me.  I have studied under Dr. Carter and he is a brilliant resource.

Narcissism defined is one who maintains an exaggerated sense of self importance to the extent that the ability to empathize is minimal and the tendency to exploit is maximal.  Self absorption is central to the individual's identity.

Eight Common Traits of a Narcissist are:

1. An inability to empathize.
2. Manipulative or exploitive traits
3. A sense of entitlement
4. An inability to receive direction
5. An insatiable need for control
6. A haughty or judgmental spirit
7. An unwillingness to acknowledge reality
8. The ability to create favorable public impressions.

There are a number of reasons a person becomes a narcissist:  a lack of true intimacy growing up (can't admit mistakes, be honest); a fragile sense of self worth; a lack of appropriate submission, exposure to shame games (they have been exposed to a lot of criticism in families where there is a lot of criticism or criticism of other families) or mixed messages about right and wrong.

The following is a list of the best ways to respond to a narcissist:

1. Respond with your mind, not your emotions.
2. Practice delicate detachment.  Refrain from power communications.  Gal. 5:22-23 list the fruits of the spirit.  We are least likely to have those characteristics when around a narcissist.
3. Don't cater to the narcissist.  Confront your fears.  Remember Ps. 26:3-4, 11.
4. Remain committed to honesty.  Trust your understanding of truth.  The narcissist is not the ultimate arbitrator of right and wrong.
5. Accept that the narcissist probably thinks you are a fool.  Forget about generating good will.  The narcissist must win; he/she must be superior.
6. Maintain boundaries over and over and over.
7. Broaden your support base.  Get a prayer partner.  Go to counseling.

I highly recommend Dr. Les Carter's book, Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me, for more detailed information.  This is simply an outline of what I discussed on my broadcast.

In any relationship and in life, focus on Prov. 3:5-6:  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."

Thank all of you who listen to KHCB.